***************WARNING: Terms and words maybe quoted that you may find offensive. **********
*************These were quotes taken from actual conversations and necessary to content.**********
I posted on Facebook a while back that I had 'HAD IT' and that I would blog about it later. Much later now, I have had a chance to cool down and think thru what I wanted to write and how to put it down without sounding as hateful and ignorant as those who pushed the final button that sent me 'round the bend. And believe me, there have been A LOT of button pushing around here lately.
From my earlier post, you can see that I have done a lot of soul-searching lately and decided that instead of just marking time on planet earth, that I should go out and make a difference. I made some calls and, to tell you the truth, am a bit frustrated, as I want to finish school, but when I called my alma mater to get info on finishing they said 'we'll have to check or archives to get your records and get back to you'....Now look, I know to some of you 1983 WAS an entire lifetime ago, but really? You can't find my records, or if you can't, why can't you just call and say so! I mean, really! Did you lose them in catastrophic fire of 'aught three' that never happened?
Then there was the lead up to the election. Now I have never shied away from the fact that I am a Democrat and I am proud of that fact. I campaigned for my candidates, put out signs, bumper stickers, etc. But this year, it got UGGG-LEEEEEEE around here. The saddest part about the whole thing...is what my 'christian' friends and family said and did. I did not capitalize the word 'christian' here, as I don't think a damn thing that passed from these people could even vaguely resemble anything that Christ advocated. I have dropped people not only from my 'friends' list on Facebook, but actually out of my life entirely, as that type of ugly has no room in my life. The whole disheartening thing, a number of these people have 'prominent' positions in their local churches, from pastor, to deacon, to elder, to deaconess. A good thing came out of it, as well, in that I have had some SERIOUS differences of opinion with a number of people, but they acknowledged that politics were only a segment of our friendship and we could agree to disagree.......unfortunately, these people were in the minority. To them, I would like to say thank you....they are what friends are supposed to be.
I have intentionally dropped a few relatives and intend to keep them out of my life as there was too much polluting going on. There was one relative who stated they were a founding member of their state's Tea Party and would send me soliticitations to fundraisers to 'put the Obama's back in the fields where 'there type' belonged' or 'to tell James Dobson we support the death penalty for homosexuality' and a few links to people who advocated assassinating the president, bragged on the fact that they had two black cats named N*gger and J*gaboo, but it "wasn't about race". Yup, this one is on the church board. Another, went on and on about the president 'spending their money' on 'welfare n*ggers' the whole time bemoaning the fact that Hurricane Sandy didn't do enough damage in their area of central Pennsylvania to qualify them for them for a FEMA handout. You have to admit, people who you have grown up with, who have ALWAYS been in your life in some form or another, when they let it all hang out, it can be a shocker. I know, looking back, that there were always 'little signs' that they were like this, but for some reason, after this election campaign, they have decided to get their Confederate flags out of the attic, grab their 'squirrel huntin' guns and hole up saying 'we is gonna secede and I need to find me a n*gger to lynch.' People we ALL (the relatives and I) all grew up in the South of the '60's......I like to think I grew up to see that 'the good ol' days' weren't all that good and I don't want to revisit them EVER again. I remember Jim Crow laws that mandated a feeble black man having to step in the street, if not cross it entirely, to allow a white woman to pass, when in reality we should be approaching him and asking 'Uncle, can I help YOU get where you are going'. I actually had to stop watching 'To Kill a Mockingbird' because all I could picture was my memories of 'being' Scout. I have learned a lesson from a good friend from college, who is now living an openly gay lifestyle......'you can have 'family' without having a blood relationship' with them, as sometimes your family is....well.......let's just say we're better off without some of them.
Drop into the middle of this, Hurricane Sandy. Now, to quote the evangelist of the 60's, Katherine Kuhlman, who used to say 'I BEEEEE-leive in miracles'. We didn't lose much in the way of storm damage in the aftermath of Sandy, but we did lose the 30 foot fir outside our bedroom window. The tree, if it fell forward, it would have ripped the electric wires out of the house, if it fell to the left, it would have destroyed our shed with all our outdoor equipment, storage, and taken down the electric wires to the neighbor's house. If it fell back, it would have landed on a hill and rolled into the sheds and they would have been no more. Instead, it fell at a 45% angle to the house, missing it by, and hubster went out and measured, 2 FEET! If it had fallen to the right, it would have gone straight thru the bedroom window, under which both Joe and I sleep, it deviated just enough to avoid the house and our window. Do I believe in miracles, yes, yes I do. Sandy left us 'powerless' for 95-6 hours straight. We were lucky, the large chest freezer held, by not opening it, we had no loss of food stuffs....we lost some incidentals in the fridge but that was it......We had all been involved in scouting at some form or another, so being 'schtinky' in large groups and being able to use all our lanterns and camping gear got us thru it.
Now, cut back to the time frame. We have power back. Instead of enjoying a hot shower and refrigeration I get thrust back into the boiling pot of politics. I have a 'pastor' tell me that he will pray for me in that 'I am going to hell, due to my political affiliation' (geez, nice to know God took the day off and left him in charge) and 'hoped that I wouldn't set foot back in *their* church as I was a polluting element'. My youngest daughter is involved in a program at the local high school and interacts with other youth from this church, comments have been made by one young man, derogatory in nature and he had started referring to her as 'lesbian whore'. She, being my child, did not shy away from this person, but called him on it. His response was 'well, we discussed your family at my house and this is what my mom said you are'. After offering to make this young man a gelding, she let me know this....realize, 'mom' is the wife of a deacon in this church I was 'asked' not to pollute. Now a little back story here, the church in question was 'sponsoring' a specific candidate, touting him as God's choice, etc. and I had a real problem with that, said 'pastor' said it was because I was part of the 'wrong' party, but it goes farther than that, I don't believe a church should have a horse it that race...period. Regardless of political affliliation, NO candidate should say 'I AM God's choice', and the money that goes into the plate should not be diverted to political campaign coffers...whether s/he be a white conservative or a black pentecostal'...it ain't right.
While this is going on, I get contacted by a 'cousin' who is a 'deacon' in his church, and apparently from other sources, has some major sway on what happens there.....seems he feels that I have stepped outside the will of God, and that 'God has instructed me to tell you he hopes that my daughters are murdered by their (inset racial epithet here) boy friends over the use of their Obamaphones while trying to contact their rape baby-daddies' and that 'a good man needs to beat me til I repent'.....This was the straw that broke the camel's back.....E-freakin' Nuff. All because I was registered as a Democrat? At this point, I start getting emails from this 'deacon' calling me a 'f*cking cunt' 'a whoring lesbian' (apparently this is the term to use to any woman who doesn't fall in line with their ideal of fundamentalist christianity- see the above commentary) and calling my daughters 'whoring lesbians' (my only solice is this wing nut doesn't know my daughters - or how many I have or where they are at) and these show up daily in my inbox and Facebook feed. I had him blocked and reported him to Facebook - last email was 'I had BETTER not report him to ANYONE'....ooooh, Imma skeert. Some of my southern based friends tell me this person was contacting them telling them what I needed to have happen to me after I blocked him. Then another cousin contacts me to give me the current 411 on this clown. He was always a bully in school and liked to kick the crutch out from under the crippled kid, seems now he has 'taken in a man recently 'paroled' for killing two women 'because they deserved it' and is trying to get his case re-evaluated as there are women who 'deserve killin'....and this same person has been arrested for 'inflicting his opinion' on women in the past so for me to 'be careful' where he is concerned'. Okay, this election just got personal. Threaten me, whatever. Threaten the lives of my daughters? Yo, Larry...I grew up in the same podunk you did...where shooting rats at the dump was a hot date. I may be a bleeding heart, liberal democrat, but I DO know how to lock and load.....and a moving target only makes it 'interesting'....I think he is probably all bluff and bluster, that and being five states away, but what just happened here? Is this the wild, wild west?
Okay. Understand what is going on around here now? My head and heart are swirling with all of this......the 'church' refusing me (I know there are other churches, and thanks to those friends I mentioned earlier, I know that), relatives being flaming bigots, threats to my children.......I say 'Thank you, Jesus, I'm in Pennsyltucky and most of those are down South'.....then the other shoe drops.
My husband has a relative, who, if 'forced' to give a compliment, will ALWAYS make it about them. Joe was 'being' congratulated on his award. But to tell you the truth, he NEVER would have won it without the influence and guidance offered by this relative (now, the blood, which was after the other BS going on is at a low simmer, is slowing starting to reach boiling point). Now, hubby is no dummy. When it comes to this relative, he lets 'me' talk to them, so he won't lose his cool and cause a rift between the family which this relative would try to divide into 'sides'....so I get stuck talking with 'Wonder Relative'. Now realize, the world has crapped on this person....said person has discovered a 'cure for cancer', has the business accumen of Donald Trump, and is a gourmet chef but 'NO ONE recognizes their importance to society'. (and if you believe any of this, I got a bridge outside of Brooklyn I can get you a good price on). Now, for almost an hour I get to hear how the 'profession' my husband has chosen is 'absolutely useless' unlike the one in which this person chose, but then lost the licence to. How said person was involved in another 'business venture' and needed capital, blah, blah, blah......Now, about this time I am on auto pilot as I am used to this 'me, me, me, wonderful me, me, me, and don't you wish you were me, me, me' when it really turns ugly. Realize I am mad that said person wants me to go 'yup, you are so right, my husband is a total waste of space not worthy of a paycheck' when the derision is redirected. Now there are two other family members, both female, under 20. One is getting married. Rather than being happy for said person, all I hear is how this person is psychotic and has extensive psychiatric problems and shouldn't be allowed to marry, and that all the other relatives are begging this one to intercede and stop the wedding (like this is EVEN happening), oh and I'm not bothering going, but if you 'want' I can take your gift ($$$) and see that they get it (this person has been guilty of diverting funds towards their own endeavors in the past). Oh, and instead of wishing the young couple well, is raining down curses on their union saying that 'it won't last, and they can't come running to me, as I told them so'.....then on to the next, another young girl who wants to get into art school, I hear," oh, how talented she is, but let's face it, she's not gonna go anywhere 'being as fat and ugly as she is'.....you, know, I KNOW people in business and they would never go for that...who cares how much talent she has".....I HAD to get out of this conversation.....as it devolved into 'you, know, both of these girls are going to be nothing more than hot pants hookers unless I have some input'....ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!! I had to wash my ears after this. Then later, I hear from another relative who tells me this person said the only reason the one was marrying was she was a 'hot pants hooker' (that seems to be the descriptive term of choice) and HAD to get married. I assured the person that the wedding being moved up had NOTHING to do with this, but with military service.....then I stopped, stepped back and wondered what this person was saying about 'my' daughters, 'my' nieces, 'my' sons, etc. This is when I realized, this person, here in Pennsyltucky, also needs to hear the 'plonk' of deletion from my life. Whatever happened to 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.......' esp. if the person is getting married, starting a new college endeavor, etc. It's like the fat bride busting out of the dress.....'you know, she does have a lovely face, and isn't that veil impressive'....sometimes it's important just to be nice. You can have your opinion, but when offering it will only cause harm, why offer it unless solicited.
So, there you have it. I have toned down what I REALLY wanted to say when all this went down. I have had all I can stand with a number of these people and I refuse to stand anymore. To those who I have disowned in my mind, well, they probably won't read this anyway....to those who will read this and 'think' I'm talking about them, well, don't flatter yourselves, as it probably ISN'T you, but if it makes you think, so be it. I want to thank those of you who have believed me, backed me, and loved me....even if you don't always agree with me. I would ask of you to have patience, I am still a work in progress.
Now this the day after Thanksgiving 2012. I would like to say 'thank you' to my readers. Thankful for my kids here and not, my friends, here and not, family here and not, and the opportunity to share dinner with my FIL and BIL yesterday.......God is good all the time, all the time, God is good.
Til next time. Or should I say, next vent.